Monday, July 4, 2011


"Has feminism gone too far?" asks noted intellectual and pantsman Bob Ellis in his latest think-piece. Perhaps you would care to offer your answer on this. But be warned, before you do, your answer is stupid, because you are not as clever as people like Bob and me and possibly Kim Beazley.

It is important to ask whether feminism has gone too far, because if it HAS, we need to take action to prevent good men being ruined by accusations of things they didn't do, and also things they did do, because isn't being accused of something you did the cruellest injustice of all?

As Ellis points out, feminism is out of control when even a good man like Lord Byron is forced to die in Greece just because he was an incestuous pederast - how much longer must we endure these time-travelling feminists destroying the history of Romantic poetry? What's next? Feminists arresting Alexander Pope for raping quokkas? It is only a matter of time and I hope you are happy Naomi Wolf.

The point is, all the famous people who have ever raped anyone are GOOD MEN. Why do feminists hate GOOD MEN? Why do feminists prefer bad men, just because they bad men are not pederasts or rapists or Bill Clinton? It's like, "Oh yeah, John is a good man, but he raped me, so I'm going to get all thingy about it and destroy his excellent political career. Because I hate good men!"

Is that really feminism? Wouldn't a TRUE feminist, a decent, honest, dedicated feminist, LIKE good men? Wouldn't they want to build a better world and realise the occasional sexual assault is a small price to pay for economic stability? Wouldn't a TRUE feminist spend her time working to make women less nasty and evil, rather than constantly destroying Greece's economy in sympathy with stupid prostitutes making outrageous claims in inverted commas?

Yes that's right, Germaine: you ruined Greece. Thanks a LOT.

Let us not forget the original meaning of "feminism", from the Greek "femi" meaning "women" and "nism" meaning "should shut up and be grateful".

Hasn't feminism gone too far when not only Oscar Wilde, but also Winston Churchill, are accused of being big gay people? Why are feminists so anti-gay? And so anti-left-wing? Winston Churchill, John McCain, Arnold Schwarzenegger - the list of progressive left-wing warriors who have been ruined by feminists' insistence on being total dicks is literally endless. And by literally I mean not literally. It's a literary device, idiot, look it up!

I remember when feminists knew their place. I remember when you could have a decent conversation with a feminist without being accused of raping her ears and being smuggled into the Hague with not even enough time to pop your ears. I remember when feminists knew the value of a good scone. I remember when feminists were happy to stay in the kitchen, incubating their eggs. I remember when feminists took a threat to ruin their careers if they wouldn't get on their knees in the jocular spirit in which it was intended.

What happened, feminists? Did you get bitter because you couldn't find a man? I understand. It's hard being ugly, isn't it? But just because you're ugly doesn't mean you should persecute GOOD MEN just because they are GOOD MEN! It is getting to the point where a man can't even squeeze his secretary's breasts at a Christmas party without being dubbed a "predator". It is getting to the point where a man can't even indulge in a good-natured bit of spiking a girl's drink and then having sex with her while unconscious and filming it and broadcasting it on a public website and then writing "HA HA HA" in black artliner on her boobs and then stealing her handbag and then masturbating into her fridge without being labelled a "pervert". Even if he is a GOOD MAN, he must wear this tag forever. Even if he is a poet. Even if he is Shakespeare. Even if he is a promising junior minister in a Labor government. Why do feminists hate promising junior ministers?

Is it because feminists don't have penises? Do they hate penises?? I think they're jealous. I was in a bunch of feminists the other day, and I showed them all my penis, and I could tell by their looks of disgust that they had an innate hatred of penises. Penises are a natural thing, feminists! Love them! After all I don't hate vaginas - I like them even though they're gross and they scare me.

Feminists, I don't want to fight. I don't want hostility. I think we can reach a mutual understanding between the women of this world, and the actual human beings. All we need is for feminists to imagine a world without poetry. A world without literature. A world without progressive politics. A world without media-friendly Labor politicians. A world without right-wing conservatives who are actually left-wing if you know them like we do. A world without good men.

This is the world we are in for if we continue down this path of accusing every single famous left-wing man ever of raping women and liking little boys. Right now, 90% of good men are in jail for rape, while Bill O'Reilly and Hitler run around free.

Here is the deal, feminists: If you can stop accusing us of sexual misdeeds, stop trying to ruin our careers just because we have strong passions and enormous physical magnetism, stop attempting to have us thrown into jail for no better reason than the fact we have committed a crime, stop suing us for every petty little grope and trivial assault we might commit in the course of good old-fashioned horseplay - if you can do all these things...

Then we will continue advancing society, ensuring economic and political stability, producing wonderful art, and being nice to women most of the time unless we're drunk or feeling a bit frisky.

Is it a deal feminists? Can't we go back to how things used to be, when men were men, and women were women, and it was only you who had to be ashamed of that fact?

Hasn't feminism gone too far? Can't we roll it back a bit? Isn't it time to admit that basically, men are pretty good, no matter what they do?

Look into your hearts, feminists - assuming you have any - and try to find it within yourselves to stop bitching.

Because seriously, it is REALLY killing the mood.


Anonymous said...

Ben - let's say a good man rapes a woman and she gets 'all emotional' about it and reports to to a female lefty feminist police person who also gets emotional and charges the good man for doing something illegal. It goes to court and another lady feminist judge also gets emotional and convicts the good man (this actually happens) It's only fair if the original lefty feminist woman who was raped goes to jail for the same amount of time as the good man - so she knows just how he feels. It would really test her resolve to ruin art, literature, democracy and good men having a good time - think about it?

uberwensch said...

I didn't read it as a criticism of Feminism but rather a critique of Capitalist Society where only the conservatives survive regardless of questionable sexual misdemeanours. There seems to be no place in post Industrial Revolution society for the progressive left to be in positions of power. Ellis was wrong to use the title he did as it is misleading and first impressions often leave little room for objective criticism.

Anonymous said...


"It's only fair if the original lefty feminist woman who was raped goes to jail for the same amount of time as the good man."

Do not fear, the good man so statistics show will probably experience many times over the "experience" while enjoying time. He may even start to warm to the term "bitch".

What I am trying to say with the above is that rape does not discriminate. How this changes any argument I do not know but still needs to be said.

Meg (uberwensch) said...

More importantly, do you know how weird it is to read a post, check the comments, and see your feminist internet handle being used by someone else?

Ben Pobjie said...

What? Two uberwensches?

pspicerwensley said...

Good men don't rape anyone ever for any reason.
Beware the tyranny of good men. Saying this I think of myself as a good man. I do believe all feminists (and as a humanist I have always considered myself one as women are human) have ever wanted is equality. Though I always felt they were setting their sights too low.

Anonymous said...

I'm a law student. If you read rape cases, and stat studies, where the victim is male, the case has a greater chance of getting to court and the victim will almost always succeed in getting a conviction. Where the victim is female the vast majority of rape cases are never brought to court because of 'lack of evidence' or the victim is considered 'not credible'. In the small amount of cases that go to court the conviction rate is sigificantly lower for female victims than male victims.

clawsout said...

See! We're literally* overrun with anti-capitalist feminist uberwenschii!

If good men are to survive these dark times, we'll just have to rape harder and more often.

Didn't that wonderfully good man, Shakespeare, once write:
"The ladies doth protest too much,
The violent thrusting of my crotch."

*in the literary sense

Kitty said...

Sorry, you lost me at vagina's being scary.

Unless you're talking about Vagine Dentata.


Anonymous said...

I could not agree more with this post. Feminists seem to think that there should never be any exceptions to the rules "Don't harass anybody" or "Don't sexually assault anyone". This sort of absolutist dogma is similar to the dogma we see in totalitarian and fascist states. Feminists need to recognise the middle ground and not see everything in black and white. Surely there are some cases where rape is a good thing (like when a left wing guy does it, for example.)But feminists think ALL rape is bad - they are so blinded by their dogmatic ideology that they can't even see the nuances of these situations.

These feminists are no better than Stalin or Pol Pot. That is where this kind of dogmatic thinking leads. It sickens me.

Anonymous said...

@Anon :"I'm a law student..."

So based on the statistics would it be fair to say that the legal system has ingrained within systemic prejudice against female rape victims or that female rape victims do sometimes provide evidence that is not credible or falsify events?

The former assertion has huge implications as it means a lack of faith in our judicial process to be impartial and objective.

The latter assertion is a controversial one as this does occur and has occurred in the past, however it does not apply to the vast majority of women.

The prior logic can also be applied to rape and men. Some Men rape but the vast majority do not.

If only the "feminists" would repeat this ocassionally it would make public debate so much more informed and inclusive for men and not give the lunatic fringe oxygen to troll.

Anna said...

O Bob Ellis, what has happened to you my father? I used to be in awe of your talents, your poetic musings, your outsider status. But your philosophies have become bunkum, your words slow-witted and nonsensical. Goodbye Jerusalem, goodbye Bob... Welcome Ben.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, brilliant, bravo.

Anonymous said...

Ha. Ha, ha wonderfully funny, love it.

Amy said...

Thank you for this response. Sigh. That original article really just blew my mind. And not in a good way.

Anonymous said...

Also, just to highlight that B. Ellis is way up on the crack pipe, but a) surely the French Socialists, and then all the French decide whether DSK becomes president and b) despite what Assange boasts, at what point did some lanky blond Australian spark a revolution in North Africa? I think it was something to do with rioting for jobs and food (according to my Algerian husband, but what does he know?) and not about Julian Assange sharing the worst kept secret in the world, that African dictators tend to be corrupt?

Kat said...

I just laughed!

Lou said...

Dear Ben. I'm in love with you. Eom.

Anonymous said...

The problem is not that Feminism (western anyway) has gone too far it simply has no-where else to go. Like any popular movement that has generally achieved its aims it runs out of steam and splinters into self-interest groups with individuals and axes to grind.

If I hear another shallow argument that women are still hard done by in Australia via institutionalised gender bias I am going stand on the steps of parliament and boo Julia Gillard, protest with red flags at the governor generals house and bloody pray to our first Saint St Mary MacKillop of the Cross (to cover all my bases).

Geez; Am I a real boy?

Amanda said...

I am laughing "hysterically" (snort, irony, snort) that there are some commentators actually taking this post at face value. My Dog, some people's satire bones are broken.

You sir, are wonderful. And a feminist. Now, what shall you do with your honourary vagina?

Helen said...

"Anonymous" July 4, 2011 6:12 PM - you're a hoot!
I love the fact that the commenters who have missed the fact that Ben's post is satire are the same people that'd call feminists "humourless"! Made my day, Ben!

RachaelV said...

Thanks Ben,
A wonderful antidote to Ellis's monumental misogyny.

Casey said...

Brilliant. Thank you. Bob Ellis really is such a fuckaroonie. Poor, sad fella. It must be scary for those born with an expectation of power to find it disrupted a little. Never mind, Bob, I promise that when you & other 'good' men are finally put out to pasture, those who earn their positions by virtue of skill & basic humanity won't be groping you. Not even a little bum squeeze, guaranteed.