Today Julia Gillard reveals the detail of her Carbon Tax and Economic Destruction Laser Policy, under orders from her boss Bob Brown. It is very important to have the detail so that Tony Abbott can decide whether he is in favour of it or not in a rational and fair-minded way and not at all go running around screaming like a meth addict on fire.
And before we decide what we think, we need ANSWERS. To some QUESTIONS.
1. What is a carbon tax?
2. Could you repeat that I didn't catch it?
3. Fuckin' carbon, how does it work?
4. If you tax carbon, isn't it true that Coca-Cola will be illegal?
5. Why do you call it a carbon tax when in fact it is a carbon dioxide tax and also why do you call it a carbon tax when in fact it is a Nazi plot?
6. Isn't it true that we need carbon dioxide to live and if we had lots more we would all be sexy giants?
7. Bob Brown is gay, right?
8. How often will the carbon tax be cleaned and checked for woodworm?
9. Under a carbon tax how much will it cost me to eat a cake?
10. Under a carbon tax how much will it cost me to milk a cow?
11. Under a carbon tax how much will it cost me to build a submarine?
12. Why institute a carbon tax when every day China builds a new volcano?
13. How often will the carbon tax indecently assault my daughter?
14. Why are the Greens in charge of the country when nobody likes them?
15. What sort of compensation will be available for me since I only eat jam sandwiches at the moment and am very cold?
16. Why do you hate coal? It is good. Don't you know that?
17. Under a carbon tax how much will it cost me to become an astronaut?
18. Who is hotter, Sarah Hanson-Young or Kate Ellis?
19. Wouldn't it be better to have a policy of direct action like for instance we could buy a really big air conditioner?
20. Isn't it true that under a carbon tax steel will not be a thing?
21. How many carbon taxes will there be per household?
22. If I have solar panels, what the hell, am I right?
23. Why do we even NEED a Great Barrier Reef?
24. Under a carbon tax, how many members of my family will be stoned to death in the annual lottery?
25. Is it true that Julia Gillard is a woman?
26. I have a rash. Why?
27. Under a carbon tax, how much will it cost me to bake a strudel?
28. Under a carbon tax, how much will it cost me to have my genitals surgicaly enlarged?
29. Have you heard that the Greens carry ceremonial daggers everywhere and are swornd to defend the honour of Ahura-Mazda?
30. Under a carbon tax how much will it cost me to suffocate deer?
31. Why does the government want to turn our great country into this:
ANSWERS NOW, PLEASE JULIAR