I Report, YOU Decide

Some have suggested I may have been a little premature in my last post. So I'm starting the debate right now. Have at it, opinioneers: Is Titanic 2, in fact, the best thing ever, or do we have to revise that opinion in light of:

MEGA PIRANHA!!!!!



Yes. When deciding between Bruce Davison and Dick van Dyke's grandson on a boat, or Greg Brady and Tiffany being attacked by giant flying cartoon fish, there are no easy answers. The important thing is that we have the debate.

The End Of History

I don't want to alarm you, but what you are about to see may well be, literally, the best thing ever, thus rendering all other things, past and future, obsolete.

TITANIC 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Please note: this is NOT a fake trailer.

Please also note: It is written by, directed by, and starring Shane van Dyke. Son of Barry, grandson of Dick.

Please note for a third time: I am so happy.

News Of All Colours

Well well, things just keep happening, don't they? Can you believe it's July already? It only feels like late May! Just think, by September it'll feel like early August, and by next Easter we'll think it's still Christmas. That'll be nice.

Anyway, unless you've been sensibly drinking yourself to death, you might have noticed that an election was called on the weekend, and on August 21 we shall once again drag ourselves through the farcical charade called democracy.

What will make this election more bearable, I hear you ask?

I WILL.

Here is Election 101, by me, myself. And throughout the election campaign, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you can see me tackling the issues that matter and informing the ignorant public about their civic duties in a similar manner.

THREE TIMES A WEEK. More Pobjie than you ever thought you'd be blessed enough to receive! At ABC's The Drum. Stay informed, join the cool kids.


That's not all I'm up to, though. If you'd like to see me in person, and you're in Melbourne on August 5, you should drop in to Dog's Bar in St Kilda for Storytelling with me and Chrissy Keighery. I will tell you some stories. And it's FREE!

Even further ahead, you can catch me at the Melbourne Writer's Festival, doing Liner Notes: Fleetwood Mac's Rumours at the Toff in Town. This is huge - last year's Liner Notes, taking on Michael Jackson's Thriller, blew the lid off the place. It also sold out fast, so get your tickets NOW if you want to see not only me, but also Alicia Sometimes, Clare Bowditch, Charlie Pickering, Hannie Rayson, Emilie Zoey Baker, Omar Musa, Josh Earl, Sean M. Whelan and MC Michael Nolan.

That is one freaking sweet line-up - you don't want to miss it.

And incidentally, my song will be You Make Loving Fun. It'll rock.

So, read The Drum, come to Dog's Bar, bowl up to the Toff in Town, and you'll be replete with me. See you round!

NEW FEATURE: Ben's Dream Diary, Chapter One

I had a dream yesterday. I was watching Glee. It was the episode of Glee where the kids have to negotiate a jungle full of aggressive wild animals, lions, rhinos, etc., and then Finn is living in a tent in a shopping centre and is involved in an involuntary gay relationship. Not sure who the guy he was sleeping with was; it was a new character, not a very nice one. You could tell he wasn't nice because he'd manipulated Finn into homosexuality against his will, but also he had a really snide way of talking.

Anyway I was watching but got interrupted because a gang was having a meeting in our driveway prior to setting off for a rumble. I tried to get assurances from a gang member that after the rumble they wouldn't come back to our driveway, but he just kept saying "No, no," and gently punching me. So instead I had to ask another gang member, who happened to be a small walking bookcase with a picture of a koala on it. It was a frustrating conversation because obviously the small walking bookcase could not talk; it could only nod. I would have asked one of the other walking bookcases who were with it, but I woke up before I could. Maybe next time.

Ben's Dream Diary - End of Chapter One

We'll Only Have Ourselves To Blame

From the letters page of the Townsville Bulletin, a chilling warning that we would do well to heed, from Patriot Felix Scerri:

Asylum seeking is 'stealthy invasion'


PRIME Minister Gillard wants Australians to freely express their true opinions regarding boat arriving asylum seekers without fear of the usual applied "labels" and I applaud her comments and sentiments and her apparent support of free speech. Simplifying things, I ’ll vote for anyone who will stop these people arriving, and secondly, send all past illegal boat arrivals back to their places of origin.

I feel that the majority of these people are not true asylum seekers. I believe that the real truth is somewhat more sinister and indeed dangerous.

Increasingly, I believe that these continuous boat arrivals are part of an ongoing and deliberate slow and silent invasion of our nation aimed primarily at fundamentally changing the basic make-up of Australian society to one where people of the Islamic faith are a major part.

Indeed around the world in recent years we have all seen the results in countries where a large infiltration of people of Islamic faith has been achieved, and Australia is heading down the same path, it would seem.

The ugly events surrounding the Cronulla riots some years ago show very clearly what we can expect from these asylum seekers of the Islamic faith once their numbers reach a certain threshold in the population.

While Islam is one of the world ’s great religions with aspects which I somewhat admire, sadly in the "real world" Islamic extremism has become associated with some unfortunate, violent and destructive realities, and with very good reason.

I was frankly shocked while watching the 7.3O Report on ABC TV the other night and Kerry O ’Brien detailed the large and accelerating numbers of "asylum seekers" who have easily reached Australian shores without any impediment at all in recent years.

As I watched with my family I asked them if these arrivals met the definition of an "invasion".

Everybody said 'yes'. I honestly hope that my fears are completely unfounded, however after very considerable thought on the subject, this is the only conclusion that I can come to. I think we should all be very concerned and worried.

FELIX SCERRI, Ingham.

The government, clearly, has some very serious questions to answer:

1. Why do you keep letting in people who want to fundamentally change the basic make-up of Australian society?

2. When are you going to put up some impediments around our shores?

3. Why do you insist on making policy without any meaningful consultation with the Scerri family of Ingham?

Someday we will regret ignoring Felix's warning. Someday we will look back and realise: he knew it was an invasion, his family were unanimous on it, yet we were deaf, and now our basic make-up is changed and there's nothing we can do about it.

Don't say he didn't warn you.