Sunday, April 18, 2010

I Am Very Racist

So anyway, my latest article at newmatilda is right here.

It is about population policy, and includes phrases such as:

"obstetric dystopia"

"plentiful feral camels"

"take to it like a duck to breadcrumbs"

"the little buggers can swim"

How do I tie it all together? You'll only know if you click on the link!

But more important is the massive controversy that my article has inflamed among at least two people, due to the use of the phrase "Why are you being such a girl" in the introduction. Because according to "swivel35":

Substitute the “n” word for “girl” up there. See? You’d never get away with that nor could you even begin to call that satirical.

I have, indeed, become guilty of racism by word substitution. For example, elsewhere in the article, imagine if you substituted the "n word" for "seafood" in the following sentence:

if we boost our population growth we too can have a thriving electronics industry and a predominantly seafood diet.

That's even WORSE! I mean, "why are you being such a nigger?" is mainly offensive due to its incomprehensibility, but it is distressing to me to discover that I inadvertently advised my readers to eat black people.

Sorry readers!

Just so you can safely avoid this kind of accidental racism, here are some other phrases which you could not get away with if you substituted the word "nigger" for the word "girl":

"I prefer the intimate company of men to that of girls"

"I have four children - two boys and two girls"

"I have to take the girls to netball practice"

"See that girl in the straw hat? She looks pretty stupid"

"Fell In Love With A Girl is one of my favourite songs"

"I think there are distinct educational advantages to be gained by separating boys and girls into separate schools"

"I contracted AIDS from a girl I knew once"

"Girls should all go back to Africa where they came from"

"Stop these goddamned girls getting ideas above their station, strutting about the town, drinking our liquor and raping our womenfolk, damn dirty girls"


1 comment:

Mac Yourselfathome said...

Ben, you have removed the scales from my eyes. Why just today I was guilty of word substition racism. Instead of using the word nigger as I had intended I have been using the term Scott Morrison instead. No one seemed to realise at the time, but I realise my mistake now.