Thursday, April 9, 2009

With Eggs!

Sometimes, Easter can be a confusing time for those not steeped in solemn religious tradition. So for those of you who count among that number, here is a quick explanation of the Easter story, couched in modern terms for easy understanding.

THE STORY OF EASTER FOR THE MODERN "KIDS"

Imagine that you are driving, and in front of you is a big fancy car. Suddenly it slams on the brakes. You do likewise, but cannot stop in time. You slam into the back of the car.

The driver gets out of the car and confronts you.

DRIVER: You hit my car!

YOU: I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened.

DRIVER: It's not surprising really. I cut your brakes.

YOU: What?

DRIVER: Yes. Last night I came to your house and cut your brakes. Then I deliberately braked hard so you would hit me. I set it up so this would happen. I planned it all along.

YOU: So it's your fault?

DRIVER: Oh no, even though I planned it, it's still your fault. So now I have to punish you (takes out a gun).

YOU: You're going to shoot me.

DRIVER: Yes. In the head.

YOU: Isn't that a bit extreme?

DRIVER: Hey, YOU crashed into MY car! You need to be punished.

YOU: But...

DRIVER: OK, look, I am a kind and loving guy. I forgive you. I won't shoot you.

YOU: Oh good.

DRIVER: But I will have to shoot someone. Hey Junior, come out here! (his son gets out of the car, he shoots him in the head)

YOU: Dear God. Why did you do that?

DRIVER: Well, I wanted to forgive you, so I had to kill someone. Say thank you.

YOU: What?

DRIVER: I just saved you from being shot to death. Thank me!

YOU:...Thank you?

DRIVER: OK. Now here's my phone number. Ring me up every day for the rest of your life to say thank you again, and I won't shoot you in the head.

YOU: I thought you didn't have to shoot me, because you shot your son.

DRIVER: Oh yeah, but if you're going to be ungrateful, I'll have to shoot you anyway.

YOU: I'm very confused.

DRIVER: Here, have a chocolate bunny.

And that's Easter.

For a more inspirational take on the holiest holiday, see newmatilda.

9 comments:

Margaret said...

Excellent!

Anonymous said...

40 something years of confusion and now it's all perfectly clear!!! Easter is all about insanity, thank you, from the bottom of my chocolate heart!!

Ben Pobjie said...

You're welcome, Anonymous.

Although some would say it's better not to think about it too much.

Ben said...

Superb!

Luke Fitzgerald said...

Couldn't have put it better myself!

Anonymous said...

Interesting...yet this story can not be accurately related to Jesus' death and Easter.
1. The "junior" in this story had no choice to die. Jesus could have saved himself, but he didn't.
2. Jesus died to save billions and billions of people, not just one.
3. God does not threaten us to "ring him up" every day. Praying is just one way to strengthen your relationship with him.
4. We are saved not from physical things, but from eternal torment.
Interesting story though!

John said...

Thanks Anonymous, you saved me some typing & probably said it better than I. People need to go beyond stereotypes and simplistic parody and find out the real nature of God in His three persons

Anonymous said...

Interesting...yet this story can not be accurately related to Jesus' death and Easter.
1. The "junior" in this story had no choice to die. Jesus could have saved himself, but he didn't.
2. Jesus died to save billions and billions of people, not just one.
3. We are not threatened to "ring him up". Praying is one way to strengthen our relationship with Jesus!
Interesting story though!

Anonymous said...

Lol someone said the same thing as me here! But no matter! Saying it twice is good!