Some news has recently come to light that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
I am serious. I know you thought the moon landing would change your life. I know you thought September 11 would change your life. I know you thought a long-term relationship or a fulfilling career would change your life. You were WRONG.
Because - and I hope you're sitting down - it has been revealed that there is a city in Sweden inhabited entirely by 25,000 lesbians.
I would like to point out at this point that this story was carried by both the Xinhua AND Harbin news agencies of China, so you can be sure of its veracity.
Founded in 1820 by a man-hating widow, who decided for some reason to build a medieval castle while she was at it, Chako Paul City is apparently a great tourist attraction. Only for women, though, because if you are a man, you will be beaten to death (or, depending on who you're talking to, "half to death") by gender police as soon as you arrive. It is also guarded at the entrance by two large blonde women, so it sounds devilishly hard to sneak into.
The men of China have cottoned on to the enormous potential of this place, since the women are apparently only lesbians because of their desperation at the lack of men - which makes the "kill every man who comes here" policy somewhat odd, but anyway - and Sweden has been besieged by inquiries from lonely Chinese men asking how they can visit Chako Paul.
That's the Chinese for you. Crazy-brave, and true romantics at heart, willing to travel halfway around the world and risk a fatal beating for the chance to get it on with a Swedish lesbian. I salute you, men of China.
I think the most exciting part of this is the realisation that the castle from Monty Python and the Holy Grail REALLY EXISTS. And in fact, I sense a chance for a really great blockbuster movie, combining elements of Some Like It Hot, Sorority Boys, Alvin Purple, and Lost Horizon.
Snap to it, titans of Hollywood!
Perhaps we should leave the last word to Claes Bertilson, a spokesperson for Sweden’s Association of Local Authorities and Regions (SALAR), who says, " I find it hard to believe that you could keep something like that a secret for more than 150 years".
Hard to believe, Claes? Perhaps for YOU.