Sam the koala is dead. Now, I'm not saying this is a GOOD thing, by any means. What I am saying, to people leaving comments on the HS website, such as Betty Grinter of Preston ("A part of me died today..such a sad ending to a story of hope. I'll miss you Sam"), is:
1. She was a koala. That is, a small forest-dwelling marsupial. She was not, for example, a cheeky young schoolgirl, or a nun.
2. Furthermore, she was not a koala that you, personally, knew. She was not your pet koala, or a koala that had been passed down through the generations, or a koala which contained the trapped soul of your wife.
3. There is in fact no evidence to support the hypothesis that she was an especially brave koala. Unless your definition of courage is "fortunate enough to be stumbled upon by a firefighter with a water bottle".
4. Leaving a "tribute" to Sam on a website is possibly one of the most useless things one could ever dream of doing in their entire lives. Not only can she not read it because she's dead, she couldn't read it when she was alive. She was a koala. Do you think her family's going to log on and draw strength from the community support?
5. Given that she died of chlamydia, the fawning over her by the Herald Sun would seem to represent a dangerous endorsement of promiscuous behaviour, setting a poor example to our own on-the-brink-of-sluttishness youth.
6. She was a frigging koala.