My Blocking Policy: A Public Information

A lot of people these days are on Twitter. And a lot of those people who are on Twitter can get very passionate about things. These people mostly look like this:

One of the things they get passionate bout is being blocked. For those of you who aren't on Twitter because you're on some kind of reality show where you're only allowed to use technology from the 17th century or something, being "blocked" means another Twitter user has decided that they wish not to see what you tweet, to not allow you to see what they tweet, and to, in a general sense, cut off communications between your account and theirs.

Blocking can be very upsetting, obviously. It's never nice to be told you're not wanted, and so I understand perfectly when people arc up and get snitty about being blocked. I understand why they say things like "Oh I was blocked by Ben Pobjie - turns out he's too precious to take criticism" or "Ben Pobjie claims to support free speech yet he blocks me #irony". They don't say these things just because they're cretins - they say them because they are in a state of high emotion that makes them act like cretins.

What they want, most of all, is to know why. It's agony to be blocked on Twitter and have no idea of the reason - it turns one's whole life into a desert of shifting sands. Certainty vanishes and all is a fog of mistrust and anxiety. I appreciate this.

This is why I have decided to lay out, here and now, my Blocking Policy.

That's right, all my Twitter blocking is done according to a strict charter, which governs my blocking activity. Once you know what this consists of, I'm sure you'll have a much better understanding of why I blocked you, or why I'm about to.

My Blocking Policy is a five-point policy. Every single block I engage in is done for one or more of these five points, which are, and I can't stress this enough, the ONLY reasons I ever block anyone.

So, you know, if you've been blocked by me, it was because:

1. I don't want to talk to you.

2. I don't want you to talk to me.

3. I don't want me to be talked to by you.

4. Talking, in terms of the two of us, has become undesirable to me.

5. What I want is to do things which aren't talking to you or being talked to by you.

So there you go. I hope that's clear.

The Great Astor Tweet

What is the Great Astor Tweet? It is an opportunity for Twitterati of good will and friendly mien to gather at the Astor Theatre in darkest Melbourne and celebrate both the cinematic art, and the twittermatic art.

What this means is that on Monday, August 22, at 7.30pm, the Astor will screen a double feature of classic cult films - first Withnail and I, then Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Downstairs in the stalls will be a hardy band of tweeters, providing running social media commentary on the films in whatever way takes their fancy.

So what should you do to take part in this grand experiment? Easy:

1. Go to the Astor Theatre in the evening of Monday August 22.

2. Buy a ticket, and possibly some popcorn.

3. Make your way to the stalls (this is a designated tweeting area - do not mingle with non-tweeters, or as we call them "muggles", for fear the glow of your smartphone will enrage them).

4. Put your phone on SILENT. This is important - we have a designated area in the stalls so that our lights don't infuriate others, but we will really make ourselves unpopular if we become the source of constant beeping and ringing. In fact, we'll become unpopular with ourselves.

5. Relax.

6. Tweet in a thoughtful and/or hilarious manner for the duration of the double feature, or until you want to go home, whichever comes first. While tweeting, use the hashtag #AstorTweet to ensure you are participating fully in the community spirit.

7. Hurrah!

If you can't make it to the theatre, chime in yourself with your thoughts about the movie, or don't. I mean those are two fairly broad options you have there. But if you're a lover of the films in question, or just someone who likes a larf, you're welcome to join our merry troupe even if you're not physically present. Come one, come all, to the Great Astor Tweet!

And so we will soon all be having as much fun as this guy:




In order to bring you the finest tweets available to humanity, we acknowledge the generous assistance, support and affection of the Astor, Popcorn Cinema, and Owen Vandenberg of TweetFilm . Together we bring you this marvel out of the goodness of our own hearts.

Do join us, it'll be a blast!