Friday, September 19, 2008

I Forgot!

Fifthly, apparently through the magic of Babble Slam, I have been put on Youtube.


And here.

And also here.

So you know, go there and tell your friends and make comments, because frankly it's kind of embarrassing having none...

Stay up to date with BPWWOO

Well, first of all, you can see how I sneer at those who have achieved success through hard work and ability here.

Secondly, if you go here, register with newmatilda and vote for your favourite cartoon in the New Matilda cartooning competition, you could win a FREE copy of my book, Handy Latin Phrases.

Thirdly, I've begun a weekly radio spot on Sydney community radio station 2SER. Every Wednesday I buzz in around 4:45 to chat with Ellice Mol. The callsign is 107.3 FM for Sydneyite, for everyone else you can listen to the station's live stream through the website.

And fourthly, Eoin Colfer is going to write a sixth instalment of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. As someone for whom HHGTTG is a major milestone in my life and development as a human being, and remains my favourite book/s, I am interested in your feedback.

In 50 words or less, tell me why YOU think Eoin Colfer should go burn his stupid face off with acid.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Dirty Bald Plagiarist

Ex-minister Michael Costa calls for the abolition of state governments.

Oh really, Michael? And just where did you get that idea?

Come clean Costa!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Aren't you ashamed to be reading this crap?

Bob Durnan writes:

'If Ben Pobjie is a "satirist", then the noble art of satire has reached its nadir.

More likely that Ben is a wannabe satirist, with a tendency to indulge in extravagant sarcasm marked by the sterility of its wit, & NM either can’t tell the difference or can’t find anybody else to perk up its bulletins, so it ignores Ben’s serious lack of satirical talent and just prints his pieces for the sake of providing these tediously hamfisted attempts at humour.

That satirical subject matter as potentially rich as the behaviour of the NSW ALP can give rise to such predictable and unfunny lampoonery proves my point.

For more evidence of his perpetual inanity, just have a look at Ben’s blog.'

Hey, Bob Durnan, good for you. You've finally said what we're all thinking.

Bob Durnan, you're the REAL star!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Get on board!

In today's Sydney Morning Herald letters, Ian Nicolson of Banora Point writes:

"England has had a poet laureate since Gulielmus Peregrinus, appointed by Richard Coeur de Lion in about 1189. There are official poets laureate in Scotland, Wales, Canada, the US, South Africa, plus a number of smaller countries, states and even US cities. Australia has no-one. Does this mean we are bereft of candidates for such an honour or, as a people, without appreciation of what is the noblest of all forms of art and culture?"

I agree! We NEED a poet laureate if we are to shrug off our entrenched philistinism.

And that's why I'm putting my hand up!

Spread the word! Agitate, write to your MP and your local paper, shout it from the rooftops, send me money and saucy photos! Every little helps!

Together, we can make ME poet laureate, and usher in Australia's New Golden Age!!!!

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The States are in a state.

Dark Signs

Seen on a sign at San Churro Chocolateria:

"Hey, Dads love chocolate. Why not pick him up something special from San Churro? And while you're here, get a treat for yourself (he'll never know)."

Now, let's leave aside for a moment the implication that the ability to produce viable sperm is inextricably linked to a hunger for the derivations of the cacao bean ("My genes are transmitted. Now for a Mars Bar").

What I am interested in here is the suggestion that, if you are to go to San Churro to get a Father's Day confection for your dear old dad, and if while there you choose to indulge in a bit of the sweet stuff yourself, you are best advised to keep it to yourself.

What exactly are the consequences of your father finding out that you got something for yourself? Is San Churro saying that while Dad will be delighted to get chocolate as a gift, if he discovers that you had some chocolate of your own, there'll be hell to pay? Will Dad get violent? Will the situation be something like this:

Upon receiving chocolate:


Upon finding out that his child has also had chocolate:


I'm just really worried about all these unstable fathers going around ready to snap at the slightest suggestion their children have been eating chocolate.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

A Cause For Celebration

It's sometimes hard to process all of the different issues swirling about us in the world today. Trying to make sense of religion, and politics, and economics, entertainment, art, celebrity, the nature of good and evil. Such a bewildering array of information sources assail us today, giving contradictory views. It can induce intellectual and moral paralysis to make any attempt to discern the right way to think and to act.

With that in mind, it is a sweet and refreshing change when a development comes along that relieves us of the ambivalence and doubt plaguing our every step, and crystallises everything elegantly and beautifully.

So thank God, say I, for the news that on Wednesday some scientists are going to turn on a machine that will destroy the world.

The Large Hadron Collider is set to make all our worries and cares wonderfully irrelevant. So let's all sit back and relax.


First They Came For Carlton

New Matilda up now - and I've updated the links at the side to include more recent articles for your browsing pleasure. How dare you say I do nothing for you.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Blow, Girls, Blow!

Probably-respected Aboriginal academic Mark Rose has slammed the publishers of the Australian version of The Daring Book For Girls, because it shows girls how to play the didgeridoo.

Is this out of a negative assessment for the female lung capacity? No.

Is it a Jerry Lewis-style assertion that not only are women not funny, they're not gifted with woodwinds either? No.

Is it just brainless sexism wrapped up as cultural mystique? No.

The truth is far more terrible. Mark Rose is stricken with fear for poor girls who may attempt to carry out the Daring Book's instructions, because...

Playing the didgeridoo causes women to become infertile.

Yes! A barren fate awaits those girls who feel like quick tootle, says Dr Rose, demonstrating the calm reason and scientific thinking that marks him as a giant of academe.

The issue's got him in an absolute panic, so concerned is he for the fairer sex. Teaching a girl to play the didgeridoo is like encouraging her to play with razor blades, he says, although I must take issue with him here. If my daughter is to become infertile, better she do it with a didgeridoo than with razor blades. The didgeridoo, after all, won't cause flesh wounds, and at least she'll be able to amuse herself with music as she lives out her childless life and dies alone.

Rose says the publishers committed an "extreme cultural indiscretion". But I say it is YOU, doctor, who have committed the extreme indiscretion: you have caused Andrew Bolt to sound reasonable.

And that's unforgivable*.

*although I still can't quite see why Andrew thinks talking to whales is "oppressive"...