Sunday, August 30, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Join Our Tea Party

Australian military justice system thrown into disarray.

I want you to attend most carefully to this section:

"The charges relate to incidents in August 2005 when he was alleged to have been photographed placing his genitals on an army sergeant's forehead - a practice known as "teabagging" - while the sergeant was asleep."

Just sit for a moment and drink in the lovely knowledge that the military justice system can be paralysed by a constitutional crisis caused by a sailor teabagging a superior officer.

Monday, August 17, 2009

OK

So climate change denialists aren't the only stunningly stupid people out there. There are also those who read humour columns. I mean, not all of them, but some.

Check out my latest, here. It's not the worst example of the "I don't get it, and I shall now prove it beyond doubt" genre, but there are a couple of prize pigs in there.

"mocking of women taking non-traditional roles". Sigh. Yes, yes, of course.

An Awful Realisation

I've been reading newspapers, listening to radio, watching TV, scanning the internet etc., particularly following the climate change "debate", and something has slowly been starting to dawn on me.

You know those people, those climate change denialists? The ones who say it's not really happening, and if it is we didn't cause it, and if we did we can't stop it anyway, and if we can, it's a good thing because it's nice to be warm?

I've just realised...they're really stupid.

I don't mean they're wrong. Anyone can be wrong, even about climate change. Hell, maybe I'm wrong about climate change.

I don't mean they're misinformed.

I don't mean they're misguided.

I don't mean they're ignorant and naive.

I mean they're really dumb.

Because they say things like, "look, it's really cold outside", and "the earth's been cooling since 1998", and "carbon dioxide isn't a pollutant", and "I just read Ian Plimer's book".

It's like climate change is a sort of stupidity litmus test. You dip it into the population, and it comes out idiot-coloured.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Handy Hints for Non-Terrorist Muslims

In the latest development in my lifelong struggle to get humourless people to send me death threats, I give you:

Tasteless jokes about Muslims!

Taken too soon

Sam the koala is dead. Now, I'm not saying this is a GOOD thing, by any means. What I am saying, to people leaving comments on the HS website, such as Betty Grinter of Preston ("A part of me died today..such a sad ending to a story of hope. I'll miss you Sam"), is:

1. She was a koala. That is, a small forest-dwelling marsupial. She was not, for example, a cheeky young schoolgirl, or a nun.

2. Furthermore, she was not a koala that you, personally, knew. She was not your pet koala, or a koala that had been passed down through the generations, or a koala which contained the trapped soul of your wife.

3. There is in fact no evidence to support the hypothesis that she was an especially brave koala. Unless your definition of courage is "fortunate enough to be stumbled upon by a firefighter with a water bottle".

4. Leaving a "tribute" to Sam on a website is possibly one of the most useless things one could ever dream of doing in their entire lives. Not only can she not read it because she's dead, she couldn't read it when she was alive. She was a koala. Do you think her family's going to log on and draw strength from the community support?

5. Given that she died of chlamydia, the fawning over her by the Herald Sun would seem to represent a dangerous endorsement of promiscuous behaviour, setting a poor example to our own on-the-brink-of-sluttishness youth.

6. She was a frigging koala.

Cheers.